By Ava Arvand & Luca Boccalato-Rodriguez
Imagine opening Instagram and seeing a friend celebrate something you have been hoping for. Maybe they got into a program you wanted, posted photos from a party you were not invited to, or received thousands of likes on a post while your posts barely get noticed. You may be happy for them. You may even know that one post does not show their whole life. But still, a thought can creep in: What’s wrong with me, why can’t I do that?
That thought is not random. It is part of a broader process psychologists call social comparison: the tendency to evaluate ourselves by looking at others. We compare things like appearance, success, and popularity, without even realizing we are doing it.
Social comparison is a normal part of how we make sense of ourselves and the people around us. It can be especially important as young people navigate new or complex social environments and develop their sense of self. Looking at others can provide information that people use to evaluate their own abilities, opinions, and experiences. But comparison can also take a more self-critical turn. Negative social comparison, or NSC, occurs when we evaluate ourselves negatively in relation to others and can leave us feeling like other people are doing better, looking better, or have more than we do. Frequent NSC has been linked with poorer mental health and well-being, including greater symptoms of anxiety and depression.
Social media can make this process especially complicated. Features of social media such as visual content, public likes and follower counts, filters and editing tools, and the ability to see a constant stream of other people’s lives may create especially frequent opportunities for social comparison. For example, people tend to share the most polished parts of their lives online: starting a new job, buying a bigger house, or reaching a major milestone. These posts may be real, but they are usually incomplete, and seeing them repeatedly can make people feel like they are failing or falling behind.
Visible feedback can become another source of comparison online. Posting content and watching for likes, comments, or engagement can provide a temporary boost in self-esteem, but it can also create a cycle where people begin to compare themselves based on external feedback. Research has linked this kind of validation-seeking with lower self-esteem, poorer well-being, and more addictive patterns of social media use.
Reducing negative social comparison requires more than simply telling people to log off. Because social media is part of everyday life for many young people, experts believe it may be more helpful to focus on ways to make those experiences healthier rather than trying to avoid social media altogether. That can include noticing when comparison starts to make you feel worse, recognizing that posts may not show the full picture, and practicing self-compassion or focusing on what you value about yourself.
With this in mind, below we share several strategies that may help reduce harmful negative social comparison.
With this in mind, below, we share several strategies for reducing negative social comparison:
- Notice your triggers: When you notice that you are doing social comparison on social media, pause and ask what set it off. Was the post about appearance, relationships, popularity, or career success? Was it posted by a close friend, a distant acquaintance, or an influencer? Over time, you may notice which posts leave you feeling worse. That can help you choose what to mute, block, or mark as “not interested.” If you feel it’s the right choice for you, you can choose to see less of the content that tends to make you feel badly.
- Take a different perspective: It is easy to assume we know what someone else is thinking or why they did something, especially when we already feel left out or insecure. Perspective taking means slowing down and considering what the situation might look like from the other person’s point of view. For example, if you see a post of friends hanging out without you and think, “They didn’t invite me because they don’t want me there,” consider whether there could be another explanation. Maybe the plans came together at the last minute, someone else organized them, or they thought you were busy. Considering other possibilities can keep your first interpretation from becoming the only one. You can also try social savoring by focusing on feeling happy for someone else’s positive experience without turning it into a judgment about yourself.
- Try to reframe your negative thoughts: You may have thoughts like “They like hanging out with other people more than me” or “They’re so much prettier than me” when you’re comparing yourself to others. The thoughts may feel true in the moment, but they also involve making assumptions about what other people think or expecting the worst. One way to make these thoughts more balanced is to create habits that help you check the evidence. For example, instead of comparing yourself only to people who seem more successful, attractive, or popular, you might compare yourself to every third person you see while scrolling. Tricks like these can help you catch the thought patterns that make comparison feel worse.
- Be kind to yourself: Comparing yourself to others can make it easy to focus on what you think you are missing or doing wrong. When that happens, try giving some attention to what you value about yourself instead. Think about a quality you appreciate, something you are proud of, or something that matters to you outside of social media. Practicing self-compassion means noticing when you are struggling and treating yourself with patience and care instead of being overly critical. If the feelings are especially strong, a grounding or breathing strategy can help you settle before deciding what to do next.
Social comparison is a part of being human, and social media can definitely make it challenging to avoid. Still, you can learn to notice it, question it, and help manage how it affects you.
