Op-Ed by Stefanie Sequeira. Originally published in The Virginian-Pilot and Daily Press.
Digital technology, including social media and generative artificial intelligence (AI), is here to stay. But research and public opinion are divided on the benefits versus harms, especially for youth. While schools implement cell phone policies, many parents continue to struggle with helping their teens manage digital technology at home, finding that parenting is harder in the age of technology.
Practical tips for parents to support their teens’ technology use are hard to come by. I co-chaired a conference in which real teens offered some advice on how to successfully navigate our digital world. Below, I draw from these youth experts and parenting research to offer concrete “ways in” to talk with teens about digital technology.
Recognize the Teen as Expert
Way In No. 1: An important first step is to recognize that you may not be the expert when it comes to technology. For many parents, technology is changing too quickly to keep up with. Acknowledging this reversal of usual roles can be powerful in both generating trust and new conversations.
Try it Together
Way In No. 2: Consider trying out the technology your teen is using together to observe the different platforms and then ask your teen to share tips on how to use different features. Using technology together is an opportunity to discuss topics such as privacy settings and the permanency of content shared online. When using social media with your teen, consider your goals ahead of time. For example, you may be on the lookout for opportunities to label mis/disinformation and discuss what makes a trustworthy source. Alternatively, your plan may be to enjoy reels with your teen to reconnect.
Express Open-Mindedness
Way In No. 3: Teens seek agency over their decision-making and gravitate toward conversations in which they feel heard and understood, so telling your teen to stay off social media is unlikely to change their behavior. Without making assumptions or judgments, ask your teen questions about their technology use, such as “How do you know when social media is helping you?” instead of stating, “Social media is making you miserable.” By helping them reflect on when it’s benefiting them (e.g., chatting directly with a friend or getting help with homework) and when it’s not benefiting them (e.g., scrolling before bed), you can help your teen become a more intentional and independent user of technology.
Focus on the Future
Way In No. 4: Most teens will need to know how to use digital technology effectively to be successful in college, the workforce and adulthood. Help your teen to understand how some platforms may help their future by connecting with peers/colleagues or sharing their accomplishments. Help them to develop skills now on how to check information provided by AI against other sources for their future work.
Remember, teenagers are not a homogenous group, which means their experiences and identities may influence how these strategies work in your family. So try multiple ways in, come back to them at different times as your teen develops, and keep talking without judgment.
These conversation starters may help your teen develop digital literacy and navigate social media and AI as safely as possible. Moreover, having these conversations might help your teen feel more comfortable coming to you if they have online concerns.
As a high school freshman at the conference summed up so nicely,
“Ultimately, technology is a tool and it is very important to consider the cause and effect … We are at this point where it’s hard to go back after all this digitalization. So rather than look at how we can replace or limit technology, maybe we should focus on how to utilize the technology we have. Utilize this algorithm that is curated for us, to create platforms to do what we like, share interests, explore, and broaden our horizon like never before.”
Stefanie Sequeira of Charlottesville is an assistant professor of psychology at the University of Virginia and a faculty affiliate of Youth-Nex, the UVA Center to Promote Effective Youth Development.
